I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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