he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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