"it" just moved
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
