But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
