im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
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