She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
