Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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