dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
NoShamevember. You game?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
