Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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