This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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