I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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