Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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