I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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