kristin has been a bad kristin
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
