i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
