I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
