these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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