shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
home. puking in laundry basket.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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