On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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