At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
