our cab driver is having phone sex.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
