I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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