oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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