All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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