2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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