I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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