someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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