at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Actions speak louder than pants.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
