Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The air was thick with penises
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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