..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
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