I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
