Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
