WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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