It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
this hospital has no fireball
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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