it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
