my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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