I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
