just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My liver just had a heart attack.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
