The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
