there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
