I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
