almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
