Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
