shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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