You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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