If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize