Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
