4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
