Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
