i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
