Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
They took my balls.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
