i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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