I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
