Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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