i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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