someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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