bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
