Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
