drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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