WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
