hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
