"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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