return my video game
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
