When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
