Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
