I want to have your abortion
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
