I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize