the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
