my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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