I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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