i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
