I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Be still, my beating vagina.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
