I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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