I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
