My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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