I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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