he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
