You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
