My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
