If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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