The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
