Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
