he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
