plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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