So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
