tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
