They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
